Bottled Up
by livin-on-a-prayer85
Summary: Kates thoughts and feelings after the events in Not in Portland. Kate POV oneshot.


**Authers Note:** This is a Kate POV oneshot. I wrote this after watching Not In Portland and this fic is set straight after. It is basically kates thoughts and feeling when her and Sawyer arrive back on the main island. This is my first ever fanfic please be nice.

**Bottled Up**

Morning had broken on the island and the everyone was going about their daily routines. Rose was making breakfast, Claire was playing with Aaron, Charlie was playing guitar, Hurley was in conversation with Sayid, Sawyer was sitting outside his tent reading a book, some might say it was a normal day on the island (well as normal as a day can be on an island in the middle of nowhere with plane crash survivors) this one like the past three days though was different. He wasn't here.

I was standing by the ocean gazing over the island thinking how can everyone just carry on as normal without the one person who has done all he could to keep them safe, without their leader, without Jack.

It all makes me so angry. When myself and Sawyer arrived back and told our story of what happened on the other island and how Jack sacrificed himself to save us no one had the drive to stand up and say 'lets get our leader back' they just seemed to have accepted it. Locke had said that he was a sacrifice that had to be made to the island. I could have smacked him one at that remark. Though I had no real problems with Locke I knew that him and Jack had not always seen eye to eye and there had been of a bit of a power struggle between them. He is probably happy with the fact that he can act the leader, which as I have seen in the few days I've been back that he has taken to the role like a duck to water. He is in his element. I knew that if there was any chance of getting Jack back that it would be with no help from him.

"_How you holding up Freckles?"_

It was Sawyer. He had dragged himself away from his novel and stood beside me.

"_You've hardly said two words since we've been back"_

He paused and waited for me to reply but I just looked out to the miles of emptiness. Things haven't really been the same between us since we've been back. He seems to have kept his distance. We talked about what happened in the cage and I said that it is probably best if it didn't happen again. I had told him that don't want to ruin our friendship. I couldn't tell him that I had realised I was in love with Jack. I couldn't tell him that in less that 24 hours after we slept together I had realised my feelings for someone else. Even I couldn't be that cruel to him.

Come to think of it everyone has kept their distance from me, even Claire who would normally be coming up to numerous times in the day with the latest gossip. Everyone bar one, Sun, she is always more than happy to invite me to help her in her garden although she never mentions what happened with the others or Jack for that matter.

"_Why is everyone avoiding me?" _

I wanted to know his opinion. Were they really avoiding me or am I just imagining it because my head and my heart for that matter was somewhere else, well on another island to be precise.

"_They're not avoiding you they're just giving you some space. They know that you need some time seeing that you are separated with the person you love"_

What did he just say.

"_Don't look to surprised Freckles. I realised when you were talking with him on the radio repeating that story back to him. There was no denying it. You then confirmed it when you said that you just wanted to us be friends. Yeah I've heard that before and I know when to stand down. Don't get me wrong I did enjoy what we had but I can't compete the feelings you have with the doc."_

Was I hearing him right was he actually giving his blessing.

"_Is its really that obvious?"_

Surely he can't be right about everyone else knowing.

"_you've been moping around like a lost puppy since we've got back. Hell, I bet even baby Hewey knows._

_Look the doc will be back don't you worry. He managed to get us out of there he will find a way to get himself out."_

I wasn't so optimistic. God, if I had only told him how I felt when I had the chance and not have to bottle up all my feelings but would his feelings reciprocate or would he hate me for not doing anything to help him.

"_And don't worry about him not feeling the same way. We've had a few talks and he has made his feelings about you clear as day. He loves you too and he proved that by letting you go free"_

"_He let you go free too"_

"_only 'cause I was with you."_

He turned to leave. I reached for his arm.

"_Thank you Sawyer" _He cocked his head in confusion _"for being so understanding and making me feel better"_

With that dimpled grin on his face he turned back towards his tent

"_Yeah but don't let that get out I have a reputation to uphold you know"._

"_Kate Kate" _

It was Sun. walking over to me waving one hand holding a water bottle at me the other shielding her face from the brightness of the morning sun.

"_Kate you ready to come with me to the garden I have some new seeds to plant, herbs I think, could come in useful for herbal remedies"._

I stared at her water bottle and an idea hit me.

"_Uh, Sun can I please have your water bottle"_

"_Sorry" _she shook the empty bottle upside down "_it's empty" _

"_yeah I know that's perfect" _she gave me an odd look _"I'll catch up with you later I have something to do first"._

"_OK no worries" _she turned towards the jungle and I headed back to my tent.

I opened up my suitcase and dug around. "_I know I have a pen in here somewhere. Ah here it is." _

Now I needed paper and that was gonna be a bit more tricky. I turned my tent upside-down looking for something that resembles a plain bit of paper. So far I had found one trainer, a tank top I thought I had lost and a baseball cap but no paper. I took a seat on my makeshift bed and spotted something poking out of the pocket of my jeans that were sprawled across the floor, well sand. I pulled it out and to my surprise it was a piece of paper, but not just any piece of paper, my mug shot.

"_I guess this will have to do"_

I turned it over and began to write.

_Dear Jack,_

_I know its like a million and one chance that you will receive this but I this is something that I needed to do. There's so much I want to tell you but I'm gonna get straight to the point, I Love You, I think I always have but just haven't seen and now I fear it is too late. I hate it that me and Sawyer were able to go free and you are still there. Every day I feel like packing up my backpack and coming back for you but then I remember what you said about not coming back for you, I respect you too much to go against your wishes. I know that you don't believe in this but I feel that fate will bring us back together. Be strong._

_Love always, Kate_

With that I rolled it up and slotted it into the bottle tightly securing the lid back on. I went back out onto the beach, shoved the bottle into my pocket and started walking along the shore. When I had walked about half a mile or so I took the bottle out of my pocket.

With tears rolling down my cheeks I lifted the bottle over my head and threw it into the crashing waves. I stared as it bobbed up and down until the current picked it up taking it to its destination and I could no longer see it. I looked up to the late afternoon sun feeling like a weight has been lifted of my shoulders.

"_until we are back together I am sending you my love in a bottle."_

**The End**

**A/N:** ok there you go my first fanfic any comments would be greatly appreciated. I have an idea for a second and possibly third part for this story which involves a jack POV and a jate reunion. Please let me know if I should go ahead with these.


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